One of the very few things I've ever done that I was ashamed of myself

Reposting this from Hatfield's little corner of the WWW, a blog I used to maintain on Crosswalk.com, a part of the Faith Community Network and Salem Web Networks. I have considered sharing this HERE on my Blogspot blog for a while, and have felt lead to do so today. The blog was originally written August 5, 2005, so tag 5 years onto any date references...

First a tiny bit of background information: One of the biggest things I like to do online is play online interactive games more commonly refered to as "MUDs" (Multiple User Devices), these games are text based (no gee-wizzy graphics like video games) and share many elements of Role Playing Games. You solve mysteries, fight bad guys and you also chat with people from all over the globe, much like we do here on FCN/Crosswalk. [and on Facebook and Blogspot...]

Shortly after we'd moved here to our present home, but before we had our own personal computers, we would go online from our local public library. One afternoon I was surfing around and came across a page listing free games for people to play online. Having played as much Solitaire and read as much email as were available to me, I checked out the webpage of a game (won't give the full name, for I wish them no ill will) with the initials TF.

Their introduction stated that they were an online adventuring game, and invited the reader in to explore and see how well they could survive and thrive! I logged on (this was THE first place I used the name "Hatfield" which I still use to this day), and after finding my footing I was pretty much hooked. There were things to explore, and lots of people to talk to. I learned that the hosting computer for this game was actually over in England, and as a result, the majority of the game's players were also english. But they didn't seem to mind a couple of Yanks coming around once in a while. And so I invited my wife to join me there(for her, that was also the first time she used the screen name of Scarlett)

Between the two of us, we explored, we solved puzzles and we just generally had a ball. After we'd been there for a while (most of a year as I recall it) we had many people on the game that we considered friends. One of MY friends was a 26 year old woman who lived in the UK. She was having relationship issues with her then-fiance and would seek my counsel on what she was supposed to do. I would suggest things like counseling and maybe spending some time OFF the computers with him and so forth, but after a time nothing seemed to work out with them, and since they weren't married, they ended their relationship.

Having to pause to think for a moment, this is the first time I've spoken of this in a forum that wasn't specifically just between myself and someone specifically being addressed.

We would talk about her issues, and sometimes about my life. I didn't see myself as having any issues, but she encouraged me to speak when I had something on my mind.

This woman and I became closer and closer 'friends', to the point that I felt I needed to hide my feelings about HER from my wife Beth. This woman and I would correspond via email, or we'd visit while on this game (one advantage of her being 6 hours ahead of me, on days I was off work, she would be home AFTER work during her evening hours.) Our relationship developed to the point that while there were miles separating us, we were for all intents having an affair.

I'm not proud of it now, and if there were any way I could make that bit of time just go away, I would do it. It almost cost my wife and I our marriage.

Here on THIS side of the CRT, I had pretty much shut down emotionally. We would go to church, not because I wanted to worship the King of kings. I still felt that so long as I was married, that I needed to take care of my wife. She wanted to go to church, we went. At the end of every service, our pastor would give an altar call, every service, I would remain seated but Beth would go forward to pray for us.

After a time, the woman in England ended our 'relationship' because she'd met someone locally, and to be frankly honest about it, her new boyfriend was THERE, and I was HERE...with very little chance of getting over THERE any time soon. I cried.

A few months later I started the same cycle all over again, THIS time with a woman in California. Same stuff, different place...But Beth KEPT praying for me. Almost another full year later, as I was being the dutiful husband yet again, we were in Church, Beth was at the altar praying for me--her worthless no-good cheating husband, and I was just sitting in my seat.

A voice spoke in my ear. I looked around, but there was no one standing close enough to have spoken this clearly.

You have not loved Me as you've loved your self,
and you have not honored your marriage as I have commanded you to do.

I knew I still had issues, but it was as if the scales fell from my eyes and I understood not only what I had been doing wrong, but I understood how it was crushing my wife's heart. I broke down in tears like I have never cried before. Snot all down the face, scarlet red cheeks--only holding back the hollering by a force of will crying. I walked up beside Beth at the rail, and knelt beside her, and begged her to forgive me for the garbage I'd put her through. She held me in her arms while I cried, adding her tears to my own.

We agreed that we needed to seek counseling with a Christian counselor. And we attended sessions with a wonderful man for the better part of 6 months. At the time however, our finances were a bit tight and we almost wound up losing our house! So we had to stop counseling, but I think we got the basic message that we needed...that's been almost 5 years ago I think. And I thank God for my Beth every day!

To you dear reader,
If you and your spouse are having troubles, even if you're NOT having the same sort of experience we had, seek counseling; preferably with a Christian Counselor (your pastor/minister/priest should be able to refer you to someone in your area) Marriage is like a garden. When the weeds come--and trust me they will-- you don't till the whole garden under, you pull the weeds. Work with your spouse. Pray for them daily and even when you might not feel like it, tell them how much they mean to you and how much you love them. The time will come when you WILL mean it, and you WILL feel like it.

I will hold you in my prayers.
-R

What I believe

In “Why I believe”, I explained my reasons for why I accept the authority of the teachings of the Old and New Testaments (the combined work that Christians refer to as “The Bible”).

Today I would like to look at what I believe.

First, let me take a look at the leaders of some of the other faiths that are out there:

The Prophet Muhammad, founder of Islam: Born in the Arabic city of Mecca in 570 AD. At the age of 40, he received a revelation. Teaching this revelation, his followers believed that it was through the works of service performed for God that one might achieve salvation (and with it, entry into paradise upon your death). Muhammad's teachings are the basis of the Qur'an, Islam's scriptures. On June 8, 632 AD, Muhammad died in the city of Medina, and is buried there.

Siddhartha Gautama, also known as the Buddha (in Sanskrit, “The Awakened One”): Gautama was born, according to the most commonly accepted references, in 563 BC in the town of Lumbini. He was raised in Kapilavastu, both of which are in present day Nepal. Depending upon who's information you read, Gautama's family was either nobility or was aristocratic. Either way, his father did not wish for his son to see the reality of how harsh the world was, and so forbade his son to ever leave their estate. Unbeknownst to his father, Gautama had secretly been taking trips out into the towns and countryside. It was during those journeys that he learned exactly what his father had tried to hide from him. That there is suffering and pain in the world. Leaving his father's home, Gautama set out on a pilgrimage to find a means to end suffering in life. Following the teachings of several sects of his day however, Gautama never found the answer that he sought. Finally, he found his enlightenment in what is now known as the Eight Fold Path. Through eight disciplines, each achieved in succession, one was supposed to find a means to become “one” with all of life, and in so doing find an end to suffering. After years traveling throughout the northern Indian continent, Gautama died at the age of 80 (483 BC) in Kushinagar, India.

The faith of Hinduism does not really have a religious founder per se', but is a belief system with many forms. One of the tenets of Hinduism is the concept known as Karma. In a nutshell, Karma teaches that the amount of good works (or bad works) you do in this life determines what your life will be like in the next life. That when your body dies, your essence is reborn to live another life. If you've lived a good life, your next life will be a better one. IE: If you are a poor man, but live a good life, you might be reincarnated as a rich man, or at least a not-so-poor one. If you are a poor man, and live a bad life, you could well be reincarnated as an animal... or a rock.

All of these faiths rely on the works that you do in order to achieve salvation/paradise/Nirvana. What else did these leaders all have in common? They died. You can go to their tomb and see that their remains are still there. But there is one tomb that you can go to that is empty! In Matthew's Gospel we read that on the third day after Jesus was crucified, the two Marys went to the tomb. When they arrived, the stone had been rolled away from the tomb. Lets look at what it says in Matthew 28:5-10:

(5)The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. (6) He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. (7) Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
(8) So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. (9) Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. (10) Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

(New International Version)

If you've seen the motion picture The Passion of the Christ directed by actor Mel Gibson, you will likely have be repulsed by the brutality with which Jesus was beaten prior to his execution. You will see the excruciating pain which he endured, all the way to having a spear thrust up into his side to assure his death. There is no doubt about the fact that Jesus did die from the injuries inflicted upon him by the Roman soldiers. And yet … Jesus' tomb is empty!

All four of the Gospel accounts tell us that Jesus proclaimed time and again that it is through faith in Him that we might be saved. Not from how many prayers we pray, not from the amount of good works we might do in our lives, but simply by taking responsibility for our own lives, admitting that we are sinners and want to accept that Jesus is the only way to be forgiven of that sin. Once you have made this confession, unfortunately, this will not mean that your life will suddenly turn out perfect. As a minister in my youth once put it, “Watermelon still has seeds ...”

Clearly, this is not a subject that can be covered with any sort of competence in one blog post. I am no theologian, but I will be sharing my thoughts and what I have learned in the coming weeks and months. I hope we can all learn something from these posts.

In His Service,
Ron Stone

I'm Reading More And Dusting Less (shared from a friend)

I'd actually read this originally when a friend had emailed it to me a couple of years ago, but a friend recently reposted this in their blog. I enjoyed it so much originally that I thought to share it as well. Originally, it came from Mikey's Funnies, a Christian email group.

I'm Reading More And Dusting Less

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip.

It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion."

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.

"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special. I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life.

I'm reading more and dusting less.

I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event--such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends. "Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary.

If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food.

I'm guessing--

I'll never know. It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with--someday. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write--one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is...a gift from God.

Enjoy today's gift~

Laura